ABOUT two weeks ago, I had an encounter with a married woman who was behaving in a way that made me feel uncomfortable, particularly in the context of Hausa society’s cultural norms. People, especially women, often gossip or focus on trivial matters when they gather. This person is an attention seeker, too loud for my liking. What’s my business? None, right? But she’s someone I know, not long enough though.
I for one, crave more substantial conversations about personal growth, business, and meaningful topics. Let’s talk money-making, let’s talk skin care, let’s talk new recipes, let’s talk about goals. Our lives don’t revolve around the other gender, there’s more to life than men this, men that. I have always been of the opinion that It’s essential to surround yourself with like-minded individuals, who share your values and interests.
Perhaps you can seek out women who share your passions and goals, and together, you can engage in empowering and uplifting discussions that promote growth and development. the company you keep can significantly impact your life.
After chatting about cake pops and other trivial matters, the conversation turned to our personal lives. She’s been married for almost 10 years and has a son, but surprisingly, she’s planning to leave the country if she gets the chance. I asked why she would want to leave her husband behind. Well, she barely sees him, maybe 2-4 days in every 3 months or more, and sometimes only for a day. Other times on transit, stopping by for a night before leaving again the next morning.
Did some little calculations and realized in 365 days, this person sees her husband for roughly 30 days or so. What’s my business again? I know right. I was curious about his occupation, thinking maybe he had a demanding job. But surprisingly, he works a regular 8-5 job and didn’t even go out on weekends when they were newly married and living together.
Why not follow him? This is the question or something people often tell her, I asked her the same but she just smiled and said he had refused, and she didn’t see the need for it anyway. She’s currently unemployed and struggling to fund her business, and her hope is to leave the country and have her mother take care of her only child. She seemed to anticipate my thoughts and added that she’s aware of the stigma surrounding divorcée and its consequences so that is not an option for now.
As I listened to her story, I sympathized with her struggles and understood why she made certain choices. This conversation sparked a broader reflection: many women face similar or even worse challenges in their marriages, yet remain in those relationships due to the fear of societal stigma. I believe parents have a crucial role to play in changing this narrative. They should create a safe and welcoming environment, where their daughters feel comfortable returning home if things turn sour.
It’s essential to recognize that divorce is not the end of the world; in fact, it’s often a necessary step towards a healthier and happier life. Parents should embrace their daughters with open arms, acknowledging that divorce is not a failure but a brave decision to move forward. By doing so, they will encourage their daughters to prioritize their well-being and not tolerate abusive or unhappy relationships.
After all, a divorcee is not a ‘demon’, and it’s better to have a living, thriving daughter than one who is depressed or worse, deceased. By fostering a supportive environment, parents can empower their daughters to make choices that align with their happiness and well-being. Let your girl child know that there’s Love at home. Let the man she’s been handed over to, know that there’s love at home, she can always come back when things aren’t going on as supposed to.
To be continued…
- Kabara, is a writer and public commentator. Her syndicated column, Voice, appears on News Point Nigeria newspaper on Mondays. She can be reached on hafceekay01@gmail.com
