This is the concluding part of my article on narcissism, which was skipped last week for the ‘Betta’ piece.
LIVING with someone who has narcissistic traits carries unique challenges. When living with a narcissist, you have to protect yourself and set clear healthy boundaries, Setting boundaries doesn’t mean that you expect the other person’s behavior to change, but rather that you set a limit in your mind of what is acceptable, tolerable, and behave in line with that.
You have to learn about narcissism to stop blaming yourself. Identify gaslighting behaviors by a narcissist and build your confidence to avoid embarrassment. Narcissists gaslight others because their fragile self-esteem crumbles if their imperfections or mistakes are perceivable. Gaslighting can sound like “I don’t know what you are talking about” “You are overreacting” or “That didn’t happen”.
A narcissist is typically manipulative, self-centered, difficult to feel connected to, and maybe verbally aggressive or abusive. Being married to a narcissist can result in low self-esteem; diminished healthy connections with others; restricted access to resources needed to leave the relationship; and mental health struggles as a result of the narcissistic abuse endured.
The worst-case scenario is having a narcissist as a parent. It can trigger mind and body trauma, including low self-esteem, panic attacks, and mental illnesses like anxiety and depression which is considered child abuse. If this is your case, focus on the things you can control. Living with a narcissistic parent can result in long-term consequences.
Being raised by a narcissist can severely impact your mental well-being. In public, these parents appear perfect and loving. But behind closed doors, they rage, scream, and criticize. The parent will control their child’s life, be possessive, and view the child as an extension of themself. Some of their manipulation tactics may be subtle, but learning more about the traits of a narcissistic mother or father can help you better understand and recognize their efforts to control you.
Parenting a narcissistic child can be very stressful, so make yourself a priority. Practice self-care to help you cope with your struggle. Ask for help! Parenting is hard enough, but it can be even more difficult when you’re learning how to cope with a narcissistic child. Consider family therapy to help everyone understand NPD and how to cope with it. Stay strong if your child pushes back when you try to address their narcissistic behaviors. It’s normal for a narcissist to pull away or make new demands when they’re confronted.
Dealing With A Narcissist
Don’t personalize their outbursts, as hard as it is, especially if they are directed at you. Recognize that dysregulated behavior, especially if it is hurtful, and permit yourself to not engage. You are not a psychological punching bag. It is their responsibility to learn to regulate, and you are not their therapist. People with narcissism may not respond to traditional communication as their empathy may be limited, you should learn the art of negotiation. You could instead try to use the same transactional language that they use, but rather to healthily assert your boundaries.
To self-soothe, you can do hobbies that make you feel good and build your self-confidence, particularly activities that prevent you from becoming isolated. A strong sense of self and comfort with your own company can help you set better boundaries.
Know when to leave when you are tested with being with a narcissist, You don’t have to wait for the relationship to become toxic, dangerous, or abusive to leave. Your clue to leave is when you start feeling isolated from loved ones, doubt your sense of reality, and find yourself repeating the same arguments.
After living and dealing with a narcissist in your life, you are one survivor of NPD abuse. you have to follow some tips to heal. Some may take months and others years to heal, everyone heals differently. Educate yourself about narcissism so that you won’t fall victim to similar abuse. Foster new friendships and lean more into your support network.
Coming out of a relationship with a narcissist isn’t the end, it’s a beginning and a real opportunity to take what happened as a lesson and a wake-up call to honor your authentic self, celebrate the opportunity that the end of this relationship brings, and view healing and growth as a lifetime process.
Kabara, is a writer and public commentator. Her syndicated column, Voice, appears on News Point Nigeria newspaper on Mondays. She can be reached on hafceekay01@gmail.com