MONOGAMY is a tough call. One-man-one-woman can only be the title of a book, it can’t be law or most men will end up in jail. Fine, women cheat too but for today, let’s just concentrate on the men.
Men are used to hunting. They see a woman endowed with a beauty-queen waist that tapers into South-African hips and dive right into it. It’s what they do. And it is what we know. But when a man gets propositioned, when he is hunted or toasted, he starts singing in tongues. He can resist hunting, even if it is for a while but being hunted is a different matter altogether.
He most likely, most often will not say no to a girl offering it on a platter of gold. A few men, a few times but most men will grab with both hands what a woman offers. I can’t say I know what goes on in the mind of a man when a girl not only hangs tantalizing stuff all over him but I know he most likely is not thinking of the consequences. He’s too far gone, too high up in cloud nine to care about the morning after. You see, girls, why you should worry more about who goes after your husband instead of who your husband goes after?
When a man has been in a relationship for a long time, his ego begins to suffer. He needs someone to reassure him he’s still ‘quoted on the stock exchange’. He needs someone to tell him he’s still cool. Yeah, he’s 55 and bald and his wife loves him ‘to die’ but he no longer loves himself that much. He wants to hear it. He needs to feel good. So, when a woman, especially a younger one winks at him or he winks at one and she winks back, he wants to follow things to a logical conclusion. His ego needs a booster and what more can be more reassuring than a satisfying quickie when missus is not looking, right? At least, that’s what he thinks. Until he gets into trouble.
When a man’s partner loses interest in what he once had interest in, he feels a strong need to go hunting and a man in a hunting mode is a dangerous man. For instance if he was used to spending the weekend with his wife and suddenly the wife gets all busy a la corporate executive globe-trotting or China to Dubai business woman, bros may want to fill in the gap with someone else. Yes now, you think it’s every man who will start going to mid-week service because his wife is not available? It will start innocently and one thing will lead to two things and so on and so forth.
Sometimes a man may have moved on from his wife emotionally though he’s still living with her and they still wear ‘aso-ebi’. He may still be in the marriage because of the children. It could even be for financial reasons and he does not want to hurt her, so, he keeps the home for conveniences and appearances but goes elsewhere for love and loving. He maintains two fronts, two faces, believing everybody is happy. A man who’s fallen out of love is a man prone to hunting expeditions. When it comes to extra-curricular activities, men only see win-win.
When there’s plenty of argument in a relationship, a man wants to go somewhere else to be comforted. Men love to be comforted, yes. They need regular pats on the head, constant stroking, all of which are not available in a relationship riddled with hot verbal exchanges.
Do you still make love or you just do perfunctory stuff to fulfill all righteousness? Is there even an ounce of spontaneity and creativity left in your relationship or it is just a duty that must be done? Do a self-evaluation. Do you still make an effort with your sex life or that part of your relationship is dead and buried? Where a woman no longer makes an effort to tantalize her man, the man may likely develop a taste for another.
Because his friends are doing it, he may also want to try it. At first, it will be about just hanging out with the boys and having a beer or two and going down memory lane. Soon, the fine babes with tiny waists will arrive and his friends will call him ‘woman wrapper’. And then one day, he’ll do it to belong. And you thought only your 16-year-old son needs protection from peer pressure. His dad too.
If it’s the woman who wears the pants in the relationship, the man is likely to feel less of a man and seek another relationship where he is in control and feels appreciated. It’s the way God made them, and us. Men are wired to give and provide. Where they are subjected to taking and being provided for, the poor folks feel like their third legs have been yanked off. Could be the reason they take money from the rich wives to give ‘small small’ girls down the road.
What Madam doesn’t know won’t hurt her, abi? So if he had done it before and gotten away with it, he may want to do it again. I guess that is why many men are repeat offenders. They like to sneak around, dodge and tell lies. It makes it all the more exciting. Some even put up a bold face when caught. Well, a sinner is a sinner, caught or not.
‘If the girl cheated on him, the man may feel obligated to even the score. He may feel like this is the only way he can get back at her for hurting him. If he’s gotten cheated on more than once, some men may think cheating is a way of getting back at all of the cheating women they have regretfully dated.’ Can you imagine that? Can you imagine a man cheating because he wants to repay pay back his woman in her own coin? This last part? It’s sicker than the cheating itself. Okay, let’s hear your thoughts if you disagree.
– Egbemode, is former President, Nigeria Guild Of Editors, former Commissioner for Information, Osun State, her syndicated column, Intimate Affairs, appears on News Point Nigeria newspaper on Sundays. She can be reached on egbemode3@gmail.com.