IT’s the long vacation season again. The children are home, everywhere is noisy, the fridge is emptying twice as fast, and the electricity bill is rising steadily. Parents are stressed. Mothers especially are tired. The house feels like an unending playground, and you’re probably counting down to when schools will resume.
But before you quietly start packing a weekend bag for your child and say, “Go and spend the holiday with aunty in Abuja,” or “Let them go to grandma’s house in Kaduna,” I beg you, pause. Breathe. Think again.
In Nigeria, this practice of “sending the children away” once school closes is now almost cultural. We’ve normalized it so much that it no longer feels like a big deal.
But maybe just maybe it should. Because, while you may think you’re buying yourself rest, you may also be trading away something far more valuable: connection, oversight, values, and protection.
Let’s look at the facts. Many children, especially in urban centres like Lagos, Kano, Abuja, Port Harcourt, are in school from 7:30am to 5pm daily.
Some even attend Tahfeez (Qur’anic memorization school) during weekends. Others squeeze in extra lessons during the week, finishing around 7pm or 8 p.m.
That’s nearly 70 hours of structured learning weekly—and that’s if you’re lucky. Add pressure, traffic, social comparison, peer influence, and it becomes an overwhelming mental load for any child.
So when the holidays finally come, what happens? Do they get a chance to rest, reflect, grow spiritually and emotionally? No. Instead, we start shipping them off to places where we can’t monitor what they’re being exposed to homes we don’t control, adults we barely know, cousins raised under different values, or even complete domestic staff.
One family may be strict, another may practice “gentle parenting.” One home may allow unfiltered access to phones and Netflix, another may use cane as primary communication. The child is shuffled between contrasting systems, left to figure things out, and expected to come out whole.
Let’s be honest with ourselves, teaching is not just for teachers, and parenting is not the job of grandparents, aunties, or your neighbour who has “plenty experience.”
The home is where values should be reinforced consistently not outsourced temporarily.
Holidays in Nigeria shouldn’t be an escape route for tired parents. They should be a time to reset your child’s rhythm, to understand their emotional state, to guide, connect, and rebuild family bonds.
In fact, I’m one of those who don’t even support the idea of children staying in school from 8am to 5pm. Let them return home by 2pm, take a nap, observe changes in mood, have time for family, then attend their evening Islamiyya or lessons refreshed.
If your child is behaving differently, acting out, suddenly withdrawn you as the parent should be the first to notice. But how can you notice when you’re never there?
And let’s not pretend all these modern Islamic + Western education schools are giving a perfect balance. In reality, most of them tilt heavily toward one.
Some place so much emphasis on secular academics, they forget to nourish the child’s soul. Others become overly spiritual and neglect mathematics, literacy, or even life skills.
In the end, the child suffers the imbalance, and parents continue to live in the illusion of “at least he’s getting both.” No. He’s not getting enough of either.
Let’s also stop confusing long school hours with quality education. Children grow best with rhythm, rest, and real human connection especially from their parents.
Keep them home. Yes, you read that right. Let them stay home, but don’t just let them roam aimlessly or sleep till noon every day. Instead, involve them.
Enroll them in a short skills class coding, baking, tailoring, photography, or even painting. Or better still, be their first teacher.
Let your child follow you to the market. Show them how to check for ripe tomatoes. Let them sit beside you while you calculate NEPA units. Teach them how to budget, cook, mop, change gas, or answer visitors respectfully.
Let them learn the art of conversation, how to listen without interrupting, how to defend themselves respectfully, how to speak up when something is wrong.
Because, let’s say the truth: many of the abuse cases we’re seeing these days didn’t happen in strange places. Some happened in familiar homes, relatives’ homes, with domestic staff, even in homes of trusted family friends.
Sometimes it’s that older cousin who jokes too much. Sometimes it’s that neighbour who’s too friendly. And it doesn’t always leave scars you can see.
Molestation is real. Emotional neglect is real. Exposure to vices is real.
Gone are the days when “it takes a village to raise a child.” These days, the same village can damage the child.
No one is saying children shouldn’t have sleepovers or visit grandma. Of course, let them enjoy variety. Let them feel the warmth of extended family. But it has to be intentional and brief, not the entire holiday dumped in one house. Visit, yes. Relocate for the break? No.
Monitor them. Study their words and body language when they return. Be curious. Correct with love. Build trust so they know they can tell you anything, without fear.
These few weeks are more than just “rest time.” They’re a precious opportunity. A time to breathe together as a family. To repair what school routines may have eroded. To guide gently, pray with them more, observe their struggles and fears, and just be present.
They are not “just children.” They are your children. And you are not just a provider. You are their first teacher, first protector, first love, and first mentor.
So this holiday, don’t ship them off too quickly. Hold them a little tighter. Talk more. Laugh more. Play games. Watch them grow right before your eyes not on someone else’s watch.
Because when you hand over your children too quickly, you may also be handing over your power to protect, guide, and shape them. And when something goes wrong, regret doesn’t fix anything.
So no, they don’t need another destination this holiday.
They need you.
VOICE just cleared its throat!
- Kabara, is a writer and public commentator. Her syndicated column, Voice, appears on News Point Nigeria newspaper on Mondays. She can be reached on hafceekay01@gmail.com.