THE wedding was in a few days, and preparations were excitedly ongoing. Everything was sorted out. It was the finishing touches and some last-minute details that’s left out. The bride wanted a small wedding, an introduction, and tying of the knot. Who goes for a lavish wedding these days anyway? Let the ones born with a silver spoon have the dream wedding, we can all drool from behind our screens, and invest in the house we are moving to, That was the thought of this bride.
Her phone rang and it was the groom-to-be, He said hey babes, can you please transfer N280,000 to me? Like right now? I’ll pay up with the remaining I collected when I rectify my bank issue, I am on it. you gave me N850,000 in total right? She made the transfer and told him he could only get N200,000, with the wedding prep and all, she didn’t have much. He said he was going to sort out the painters, it was our house after all and he showed me his account balance.
It was finally the week of the wedding and things felt off, her instinct kept telling her something was not right. When she voiced it out to her bestfriend, she convinced her it was just wedding fever and nothing to worry about. But your gut knows it and women are good at detecting a red flag. which looks pink when emotions are high. There were fewer calls from the groom and she assumed it was the wedding preparation that was taking a toll on him. But the silence grew thicker, it could cut like a knife. Fast forward to when it downed on her, it was all a scam: the parents, the sisters – everyone that she was introduced to was all a lie.
Amidst all this drama, she needed her biggest support system, her rock, but was shattered into more pieces than the heartbreak she was going through. You didn’t give us the money to use at home, you went and gave a man, now look at who is duped. It was difficult to process, this wasn’t supposed to be happening, and she needed consolation. This can’t be coming from any mother, let alone hers.
The realization dawned on her, she was a victim of narcissist abuse. This has been happening for so long but this was the breaking point. Before I go on, permit me to dwell into what narcissism is all about, for a a clearer picture of how this bride fella victim.
Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as manipulative, selfish, condescending, and demanding. This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every area of the narcissist’s life: from work and friendships to family and love relationships.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it’s causing them problems. They tend to turn the blame onto others. Moreover, they are extremely sensitive and react badly to even the slightest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they view as personal attacks.
For the people in the narcissist’s life, it’s often easier to go along with their demands to avoid the coldness and rages. However, by understanding more about narcissistic personality disorder, you can spot the narcissists in your life, protect yourself from their power plays, and establish healthy boundaries.
One of the most insidious traits of a narcissist is their ability to portray themselves as kind and caring to those close to them. This can ultimately make you appear paranoid.
To be continued next week…
Kabara, is a writer and public commentator. Her syndicated column, Voice, appears on News Point Nigeria newspaper on Mondays. She can be reached on hafceekay01@gmail.com.
