EMPOWERING women is often spoken about in soft tones, hashtags, conferences, and small, well-intentioned gestures. But there is a harsh reality we rarely confront, when a woman loses her husband, she doesn’t just lose a partner, She loses her pillar, her safety net, her structure, and in many cases, her voice.
His death didn’t just take a man; it dismantled a family structure. It stripped a woman of her protection, her partnership, and the quiet assurance that tomorrow was planned with someone else in mind. And this is where society becomes dishonest. We cry loudly at funerals, recite verses, and speak of destiny but we go silent when the widow wakes up to a future she did not choose.
I was forced to think deeply about this after a relative lost her husband. May Allah forgive his shortcomings, expand his grave, and grant him Al-Jannah. May all those who have left this world be met with mercy, Ameen. As I tried to process her pain, a heavier question settled in my heart: where does a woman even begin after such a loss? Overnight, her world is shattered, not just emotionally, but economically, socially, and psychologically. This story is not new. It has existed since the beginning of time.
When a husband dies, the fate of his wife and children almost always takes a drastic turn. Life becomes fragile. Stability disappears. Dreams are postponed indefinitely. Yes, help comes but let’s be honest with ourselves, It comes in drops. A little now a little later. And then, silence. After a year, sometimes less, the calls stop. The concern fades. The woman is expected to “be strong” and move on, even when she is barely surviving.
while prayers rise for the dead, my heart is heavy for the living woman left behind.
What troubles me most is how quickly society expects widows to adjust. Adjust to pain. Adjust to loneliness. Adjust to financial instability. Adjust to invisibility. Strength is demanded from women in the very moments support should be automatic.
We cannot keep glorifying women’s suffering and calling it patience. Patience does not mean abandonment. Faith does not mean silence.
Culturally, the society pretend to honor women, yet abandon them the moment their husbands are no longer alive. A woman’s security is still dangerously tied to a man’s existence. Once he is gone, she must suddenly prove her worth, her patience, her resilience, and her faith all at once, and without support.
Religiously, this hypocrisy is even louder. Both faiths did not teach us to only pity widows, it commanded us to protect them with emphasizes to the care of widows and orphans, yet today we have reduced that obligation to charity that expires. We give once. We check once. Then we move on, convincing ourselves we have done our part.
This is where we must redefine what empowerment truly means.
Empowerment is not petty investments or once-off charity. It is not giving a woman a token amount to start a business without mentorship, structure, or sustainability. Real empowerment is long-term. It is intentional. It is life-altering. It is asking, how do we make sure she never returns to vulnerability?
Let us be honest small, one-time gestures are not empowerment. Giving a woman a token amount to start something without structure, mentorship, or sustainability is not support, it is relief for our conscience. Real empowerment changes the trajectory of her life. It ensures she does not return to vulnerability after the mourning period ends.
This is where I speak directly to men with means. While you are still alive, If you are able, capable and financially buoyant then Think long-term. Think education of your children. Think skills that will sustain your family for life, think access, capital, stability and guidance that outlive sympathy. And in the instances where the mistake has already been made of not supporting the woman from the onset, If she must rebuild from ashes, then help her build something that will stand, not something that will collapse when attention fades. Empowerment should restore dignity, not dependency. Empower beyond survival.
But this conversation must be had before death.
Men, Rijalu of our time, empower your wives while you are still alive. Give her wings- real wings-to fly, to grow, to soar. Support her emotionally, financially, intellectually, and spiritually. It will take nothing away from you. In fact, it will protect your children long after you are gone.
A woman who is empowered before loss does not crumble entirely after it. She may grieve, but she is not destroyed. She may mourn, but she is not helpless. This is not about dumping responsibilities on women and calling it 50/50, No. This is about partnership, not abdication. Empowerment does not mean abandonment; it means preparation.
It is time men confront their insecurities. A woman’s growth does not threaten your authority. Her independence does not erase your role. Let women be who they were created to be. capable, intelligent, and whole while you remain responsible, present, and accountable
If the society is serious about empowering women, then support must go beyond gestures. It must become a commitment to rebuild lives, not just soothe consciences.
May Allah have mercy on the soul of our departed, and may He also soften our hearts toward those left behind. May He raise a generation that understands that caring for widows is not optional charity, but a moral and religious duty. Aamyn.
Voice, just cleared its throat!
- Kabara is a writer and public commentator. Her syndicated column, Voice, appears in News Point Nigeria newspaper on Monday. She can be reached at hafceekay01@gmail.com