WHEN you see Carl and Mary, all you think of is perfect romance. Carl is tall and handsome, very supportive of Mary’s career and business. They had been dating for three years and were practically living together. They had found a way to sync their days and busy schedules. If they were not eating breakfast in Carl’s apartment, they were having takeout Chinese lunch at Mary’s office. They clubbed together, attended church together. Wedding bells was a matter of time, we all thought.
And Carl did more in that direction when he took Mary home to his Uncle, the man who raised him since he became an orphan at 10. That was supposed to be the turning point in their relationship, right? Yes and No, because the Carl and Mary bed of roses sprang thorns that weekend. Mary caught Carl doing rigorous ‘doggie’ with a 22- year -old girl in his Uncle’s BQ. Of course, she was dazed. She stumbled off to have a good cry somewhere behind closed doors. They kept up the lovebird facade somehow throughout that visit. But as soon as they were alone, Mary told Carl it was over.
‘We are done. Don’t call me. I never want to ever see you again. Lose my number’
You know the drill. She cried a river as she told Carl to get out of her life, but sinful Carl stood his ground. In fact, he went on his knees, looked thoroughly, chastised and penitent, asking for forgiveness. He insisted he loved Mary like he had never loved anyone in his life.
Men, their ways are mysterious, causing misery. They love with their hearts and dig with their dicks. They know how to compartmentalize their activities. Like the very strange specie that Carl belongs to, he pleaded his case with the most ruinous logic.
“Babe, I love you, I want to marry you. I want you to be the mother of my children, the woman I grow old with but I cannot imagine sleeping with only one woman for the rest of my life.”
I bet all the woman are by now growling and screaming. Yes, that was what Carl said. He was scared shitless by the prospect of prospecting in and around only one oil rig for the rest of his life. His heart, Mary will get but his dick will be deregulated. Annoying. Insulting. Selfish. You are free to add more adjectives. Not that it will change anything. It’s simple, a man can love his wife, give her his heart but not his third leg. That one has to roam the world until it goes lame or limp.
Men have always been like that. They profess monogamy but practice polygamy. They go on bended knees to ask for a woman’s hand in marriage, take vows that exclude exclusivity.
Come to think of it, today’s grooms and brides that write their own vows, adding effusive lines of undying love and commitment are the worst culprits. No skirt is too long or short for them to lift and pillage. But let them catch a whiff of sniffing around their property, and they flip, swear, promise to bring down thunder, lightning and flood.
Pray, why do men, okay not all of them, think it’s alright to have a polygamous dick while promising love forever? Why do men think women can’t feel pain, especially the pain of betrayal?
Men can cheat, women can’t and shouldn’t? What do these guys know? Women don’t cheat because they don’t want to, not because they don’t feel like. And women who cheat know how to cover their tracks better than men. Cheating is what both men and women can do. Women don’t just fancy it the way men do. There’s no such thing as ‘specialized taste’ for cheating. That’s why I dont understand why a side chick can’t have a side guy. Why can’t a mistress have an extra master since it’s about extra marital affairs?
Are the men groaning and ready to bite my head off yet? Who cares? This is the type of sermon they hate but we can’t continue to pretend that women don’t feel pain.
When I wrote here that grandmothers were having affairs, a few people protested, some loudly. Then came the Equitorial Guinea”s Dauda, the sexy guy scandal. And everybody started talking about it. How could he sleep with so many married women? Is it a French liberal sex thing? Did he blackmail the women? The women who smiled into the damned camera while shaking their waists? Those randy girls were having a blast! Let me not open new wounds for the men (and women) whose blood pressure rose when they saw the videos and read the story.
Cheating in any relationship is bad, and cheating, infidelity, disloyalty, unfaithfulness come in different shades and shapes
In marriage, every body’s life will be peaceful and more meaningful if couples stick to their vows. The man should not step out on his wife and the wife should keep her shrine warm and sacred for her one and only chief priest. No flings with apprentice priest or side priest.
So what’s my point exactly here today? That couples should not take one another for granted.
Consider the needs and feelings of your spouse. Do not assume that because she has forgiven your philandering episodes five times you can go ahead and make a new season of your unfaithfulness series. Do not assume she’s not suffering. Do not assume she cannot do anything about it.
A man is a man. Variety is the spice of life. Where did everybody get the idea that women hate variety? How did the world come to the conclusion that only men get tempted? Didn’t the Bible say all of us should pray like this:
“Lead us not into temptation”. Us, all of us. The Bible did not say “lead men not into temptation.”
You are dark and handsome. Has it occurred to you that the fair and handsome guys wink at your woman and she’s tempted? Your pot belly is not too potty but your wife works hard everyday to resist the six-pack men. Yes, she sees them when they go jogging on her street , in her office, in her shop. You are not great in the fore-play department. Do you think she doesn’t wish she experiences it, even if it’s just once. You are forever hanging out with your boys when the only time she goes out is when she takes the children out for ice-cream or attends owambe with her friends. You leave her behind all the time. Then one day, an old school mate asked her to “let’s go have drinks” and she enjoyed herself thoroughly. Do you think she’s not likely to want more?
Men, poor folks, can’t imagine other men doing their wives. They will end up in emergency wards just thinking about it, fleetingly. So why do they think women don’t think it? We do, we imagine everything, the dipping, the groan and moan, and even the smile of satisfaction thereafter. Women feel the pain of every stroke, every thrust.
Trust me, I wish we can all live nice, cozy faithful lives. But wishes are not horses. If we can’t, can we at least all slow down and be more considerate. Guys, think of all you do outside and imagine your wife getting ‘done’ outside. Yeah, that’s right. Women hurt too!
- Egbemode, is former President, Nigeria Guild Of Editors, former Commissioner for Information, Osun State, her syndicated column, Intimate Affairs, appears on News Point Nigeria newspaper on Sundays. She can be reached on egbemode3@gmail.com.