THERE is an extra lament in town. It is not the price of petrol or diesel . It is more troubling than the mean charges of estate agents and rising cost of aso-ebi. It is this: “There are no more wife materials.”
You hear it in barbershops, at buka tables, in Uber rides, and whispered with despair in bachelor flats where Indomie has become a lifestyle. The men sigh, shake their heads like village elders and conclude, “Women of nowadays…” as if they themselves are not also “men of nowadays.”
But let us not rush to crucify a whole gender. This matter is not as simple as Ankara vs. miniskirt or prayer warrior vs. party hopper. Finding a life partner has always been serious business. Bestsellers have been written on it and blockbuster movies made on the theme . It only looks harder now because illusions have multiplied and patience has reduced.
So, dear serious-minded dude, before you start considering becoming a Baby Daddy out of despair and desperation, sit down. Let’s talk.
First, it is not true that there are no good wife materials left anywhere?
There are still many around.
What has gone extinct is discernment.
The problem is not that good women don’t exist. The problem is that many men are shopping for wife material in showrooms meant for entertainment.
It is like going to a nightclub at 2 a.m., seeing flashing lights, bottles popping, and then complaining that nobody there looks like your grandmother who woke up at 5 a.m. to pray and made breakfast for 10 people before 7 am.
My brother, context matters.
If you fish in a pond, don’t expect a whale.
Take the case of Kunle and his Instagram standards.
Kunle was 34, a banker with a steady job and a mother who had started sending him pictures of “very decent girls.” But Kunle had standards. Not ordinary standards—Instagram standards.
He wanted beauty that could trend, a body that could cause traffic, and a lifestyle that would make his friends green with envy.
He found her. They are a-plenty on social media, selling the mirage.
Ada was stunning. Soft skin, perfect curves, and a social media presence that could intimidate small countries. Kunle fell like a mango in harmattan.
Within months, they were inseparable. Vacations, expensive dinners, designer gifts—Kunle was living the dream. Until reality knocked.
Ada did not believe in “stress.” Cooking was stress. Managing money was stress. Even basic emotional support was… stress. What she believed in was “soft life”—financed, preferably, by Kunle.
When Kunle’s finances began to groan under the weight of luxury, cracks appeared. Arguments started. Respect evaporated. Eventually, Ada left—with her bags, her beauty, and her belief that another sponsor would soon emerge.
Kunle sat in his empty apartment, staring at the wall like a man who had just watched his generator pack up during Champions League final.
His conclusion? “There are no good girls anywhere, only opportunists.”
But the truth? Kunle did not look for a wife. He shopped for a fantasy.
So where should a serious man look?
Let’s be honest. Wife material is not written on anyone’s forehead. It is revealed in patterns, in consistency, in values that don’t shake when nobody is watching. If you are serious, your search must also be serious.
First, look where values live.
Good partners are often found in places where values are practiced, not performed. Workplaces, professional circles, volunteer groups, faith communities, academic environments—these are places where people are known beyond makeup and captions.
When you see someone consistently show up, treat others with respect, handle responsibility with grace—you are seeing raw material. Not packaging.
Because marriage is not packaging. It is content, lifetime content.
Pay attention to how she treats people who she can make money or contact from.
Watch how she speaks to waiters, how she treats her siblings, how she handles disagreement.
Anybody can be sweet when things are going well. The real person appears when things don’t go their way.
A woman who is kind without audience, respectful without reward, and grounded without pressure that one is not common. If you see her, don’t be forming hard guy. Walk up to her and give your best pitch ever. She is likely the one you have been waiting for.
Listen more than you talk
Many men are in love with the idea of being heard, but they don’t listen.
If you actually listen, you will hear everything: her values, her priorities, her fears, her worldview. Does she respect family? Does she believe in partnership or dependency? Does she take responsibility for her life?
These things don’t hide. They whisper. But you must be quiet enough to hear them.
Musa was not flashy. He worked in a logistics company and lived a simple life. His friends often teased him for being “too calm.”
He met Zainab at a colleague’s small birthday gathering not a party, just a few people, food, and laughter. Zainab was not the loudest in the room. She wasn’t trying to impress anyone. But Musa noticed something.
She helped the host clean up without being asked. She listened when others spoke. When a disagreement came up, she didn’t raise her voice; she made her point and smiled.
Curious, Musa struck up a conversation. Weeks turned into months of friendship. No rush. No pressure.
Over time, Musa saw consistency. Zainab was the same person everywhere—steady, thoughtful, respectful.
When he eventually expressed his intentions, there was no drama. They spoke like adults, involved their families, and built something solid.
Today, their home is not perfect—but it is peaceful. And in a world full of noise, peace is luxury.
Musa did not complain about scarcity. He recognized value.
There is also a way a dude looking for a wife must present himself.
Let’s not pretend , this is one-sided matter. Some men are looking for angels while behaving like walking headaches. Bad men looking for good girls no longer works. Today’s ready-to-marry women have what my people call ‘journeys inu’, inner eyes. Simply put, discerning spirit.
If you want a good partner, you must also be partner-worthy.
Define what you actually want
Not vibes. Not pressure from your mother. Not competition with your married friends.What do you truly want in a partner? Values, character, lifestyle, vision—be clear. Because if you are not clear, anything shiny will distract you.
Make sure you are ready and stable.
Emotional stability. Financial responsibility. Mental maturity.
Marriage is not a rehabilitation center. If you are broken, fix yourself before inviting someone into the mess.
A serious woman is not looking for a project. She is looking for a partner.
Be honest about your intentions
If you want something serious, say it. Early.
Stop hiding behind “let’s see how it goes” when you already know you are not serious. You will only attract people who are also not serious—or worse, hurt someone who was.
Clarity saves time. And heartbreak.
The Hard Truth Men Don’t Like to Hear
Sometimes, the “scarcity” you are complaining about is actually rejection.
The women you call “wife material” are seeing you—and quietly saying, “Not this one.” Painful? Yes. But necessary.
Because instead of blaming the entire female population, it may be time to ask:
Am I the kind of man a good woman would choose?
Do I bring peace or pressure?
Am I consistent or confusing?
Self-reflection is not weakness. It is strategy.
My final thoughts; is the problem scarcity really or selectivity?
We are not in a season of scarcity. We are in a season of visibility.
Everybody is seen. Everybody is heard. And everybody is choosing.
The good women are there but they are no longer waiting quietly to be picked. They are also evaluating, also deciding, also rejecting.
So, dear serious-minded dude, if you want a life partner, stop chasing noise.
Start recognizing substance.
Stop performing.
Start becoming.
Because in the end, marriage is not about finding a perfect person.
It is about finding someone whose imperfections you understand, whose values align with yours, and whose presence brings you peace not pressure.
And when you find her, you will not need a committee to tell you she is “wife material.” Your spirit will rest. In the middle of all the chaos of building a life and career, finding someone who gives you rest?
- Egbemode, is former President, Nigeria Guild Of Editors, former Commissioner for Information, Osun State, her syndicated column, Intimate Affairs, appears on News Point Nigeria newspaper on Sunday. She can be reached on egbemode3@gmail.com.